And another era in life finished. I gonna die

And another era in my life is about to finish. I mean the thesis and then the whole study in here.

Well, I have a strange feeling as still I don't know to where I am heading to. I applied to many places. Let say 6 so far and already got 2 rejections, otherwise It was 8.

I have money to kind of survive by March. Hope to find something by then, if I can not I gonna kill myself by carbon monoxide. It is a good method, fast, painless and easy. It gonna be my story starting from the poor neighborhood and a very very poor family in Tehran, studying, studying and studying. Making my way abroad, studying in 3 countries. Getting degrees in the most high tech areas of engineering and now I see nothing in front of me except committing suicide with carbon monoxide.

I forgot to tell you the most important part, and being GAY. Nowhere it is easy to live as a gay and in Iran it was even worse than worse. I was thinking maybe in Europe finally I find someone, impossible or nearly impossible. All I got was just heart breaks and rejections.

It is destiny, a gay boy in the middle of homophobic Iran and in a poor family and ends up in the middle of Europe, well educated and then another end. I feel I didn't progress I just had a very long turn that is all.

Next week, I have my thesis finished, and still no job no PhD admission, no opportunity. Who wants an Iranian guy, no one...

As I told before I give myself another 3 months to search and if not, yes, you heard it write. I gonna die. I really hope they won't send my body back to Iran. I hate to be buried like Muslims. At least I like to have a gay rainbow flag on top of my grave. I have born in shit, and die in freedom but depressed and hopeless.

Das ist ales.