Today I had a lot to do, but practically I did nothing. I was thinking about my gay life. The guys I met and stuff like that. There was a German guy, his name was Uwe. He was doing his PhD in the same university as me. First he liked me but after just one meeting he trashed me. Anyway, I feel even thinking about him and looking at his pictures releases a big energy within me. Probably I can use him as a model in my dreams to can imagine the feeling of living with a guy who can make you the butterfly in your stomach.
On the other hand Henric, that nice guy I met up north a couple of years ago, now after some much time looks reachable the thing I couldn't even dream of before. I will try to do my best to be honest with him and see if we are good for each other, from many aspects he can be my guy. I need some energy within me to can go ahead and change my life from this mediocre stage.
I will do my best and I am sure if I really want it and set my mind toward it I can get it. Imagine, me living with my dream boy and doing science and life. I have to make this image in my mind more and more clear. That's why I need some sort of model in mind or a guy that his image gives me such a courage to go ahead and reach him.
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